How to Become a Successful Team Member
Just because a group of people is called a “team,” doesn’t make it one. Here’s what you can do to become a strong team member
I just love teams! It’s so much easier to do things with other people than it is to do them alone. At least it’s better when everyone agrees to work together. It’s like the 1988 movie Heathers. Three mean girls named “Heather” rule the social scene at their high school with an iron fist. Their friend Veronica isn’t sure the Heathers are a good thing for the world. Let’s just say the teamwork breaks down, in a rather spectacular manner.
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The problem is that the Heathers aren’t team players. They’re mean girls. In real life, “mean girls” aren’t always girls, but they’re always mean, and they make it hard to get things done. Here are some Quick and Dirty Tips for dealing with tough collaborators:
Tip #1: Combat Mean Girl Behavior
The mean girls in Heathers do, indeed, enjoy the consequences of their actions. It isn’t pretty, and the audience cheers. In real life, mean girls often don’t see the consequences of their actions.
One of my mean girls is a guy who was telling people in the office, “Almost everyone who works here is stupid.” He would then list the errors people had made, and roll his eyes when they gave an opinion. Soon everyone was making fun of him behind his back. He kept up his bad behavior, killed his own advancement prospects, and dragged the team into endless drama instead of endless getting-stuff-done.
If you have a judgmental mean girl on your team, gently—very gently—give him or her feedback on the effects of this behavior. Don’t sound blaming or judgmental. Just say what you’ve noticed. “Hans, I’ve noticed when you talk about how bad you find someone’s work, their feelings can get hurt. It reflects badly on you and people don’t want to work with you. You might want to find a nicer delivery, or keep your thoughts private.”
If Hans demands to know who’s been sharing his comments, don’t tell him! Just say “I’m telling you what I’ve noticed. If you’d like to know what other people have noticed, why not ask them?” If he really wants to know, this will train him to start finding out how he’s perceived and cleaning up his act.
Tip #2: Dissolve Cliques Immediately!
Heathers traveled in packs, just like Deb, the mean girl who yelled at my friend Jordan for making a mistake. She went right back to her mean girl friends who gave her high-fives and approval. When someone pointed out how upset Jordan was, they gathered together and said, “We’re just telling the truth. It’s not our fault if Jordan can’t handle the truth.”
This is clique behavior. The mean girls support each other in doing things that hurt other group members. In a team, it’s everyone’s responsibility to help everyone work better. That means it is the mean girls’ responsibility to figure out how to communicate with Jordan. Cliques let part of the team turn against the rest of the team.
The MIT Musical Theater Guild has a policy that kills cliques dead. When they wrap up a show, they “kill” it. No one can talk about it or sing songs from it for one year. This makes the group welcoming for new members. Instead of feeling left out as old-timers talk about the recent show, everyone’s attention is on making the current show a success. By the time a show is unkilled, the new members are fully part of the group and can enjoy listening without feeling left out.
To help combat cliques, don’t keep the mean girls together. Mix and match responsibilities, and make sure everyone has a chance to work closely with everyone else. Shift the conversation from past projects not everyone was involved in, to how the team can work together to make the current project a win.
Tip #3: Ignore Insults
Mean girls love to insult people. They insult everyone. Deb insulted Jordan to his face, and Hans insulted people behind their backs. Other than making the mean girls feel superior, nothing good comes of insulting people.
If mean girls on your team insult you, smile, remember they’re doing it out of their own insecurity, and walk away. If mean girls insult someone else—like Jordan—in front of you, walk away. In both cases, you can say, “I’d rather not participate in this kind of conversation. I’m leaving now.” And leave. Mean girls hate being ignored, and you can gradually train them to talk nice, or not talk at all. (This is called operant conditioning. You can read about how to do it with dogs, mean girls, and boyfriends in the book Don’t Shoot the Dog by Karen Pryor.)
Tip #4: Compliment!
When one of your team mates delivers their part of the project and does a good job, compliment them on it! Mean girls are far too self-absorbed to notice when other people fulfill their promises. But most people are motivated not just by a paycheck, but by knowing they’re contributing and are appreciated. Let your team mates know! You’ll all work together more tightly.
If you want your team, organization, business, or theater group to work well together, neutralize the mean girls and help everyone bond! Give feedback, dissolve cliques, ignore insults, and celebrate achievements. You’ll have your team running smoothly in no time at all!
I’m Stever Robbins. I work with executives and entrepreneurs to help them reclaim their time by aligning their commitments behind their top goals and providing accountability to those goals. If you want to know more, visit www.SteverRobbins.com.
Work Less, Do More, and have a Great Life!
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